Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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