you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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