dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
