I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I am one with the molecules
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
