yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
