True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
