walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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