picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
