apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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