Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
