one might say we're banned from that church
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
