Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
