omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
