butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
