you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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