Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize