Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
