sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
