grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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