If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
