I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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