is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
