He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
