So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
