Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
