The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
