My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
