He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
