so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
