How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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