we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize