I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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