It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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