My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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