I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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