I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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