smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
