we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
