I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
