So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
