So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
