Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's the barista slut.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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