can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
