It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
