When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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