I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize