it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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