Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
