i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize