i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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