Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
