I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
