Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
