Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This toilet bowl is my home.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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