South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize