I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They are going to name an STD after you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
