Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
