this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
