Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just found puke in my bra..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
