new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how drunk are you?
Several
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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