Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
