so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
