I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
